Self-fulfilment Had Been There All Along

I wrote this excerpt a very long time ago. It’s ironic reading this, as I actually did end up becoming a doctor. However, at this point in my timeline, I still agree with the foundational values of this reflection I wrote years and years ago.

It had been there all along.

Self-fulfilment…

I could not wrap my head around the idea.

It felt as though the idea of self-fulfilment was a ghost, an intangible entity that could slip through my fingers when I reached for it. I was confused as to how someone was meant to experience self-fulfilment.

Had my parents felt fulfilled?

When I really thought about it, it felt as if I had been taught for my whole life that self-fulfilment came from success: success in career, success in relationships and success in society.

Because of this, I had chased a never-ending dream of pursuing medicine, becoming a doctor and therefore earning respect from society, once and for all.

But how was self-fulfilment going to be achieved by this alone? Didn’t I need to have more than that?

I roused the familiar memories of how it felt to be exhausted. It came with a monstrous sluggishness that slowed my brain and surroundings down, such that I could not focus on anything but how distorted the world felt.

Exhaustion came with a sort of numbness, where I could not experience positive emotions for…